Where to start????

Really not sure.  There is so much going on here right now and while it's mostly good, it's all adding to the chaos.

I guess we'll just go with the start of the day and take it in chronological order from there.

* Met with our Realtor to discuss getting the house listed.  We have done all the major repairs and most of the painting is done.  Just have master bathroom and laundry room to paint and a lot of touch-up and detail work   I'm meeting with the painter who is doing the exterior tomorrow to get a time frame on that so the hope is to have things ready enough to list by the time that is completed.  The grand hope, that this is accomplished by Halloween.  There is only one other house for sale in the park at the moment so that helps.  Our next step (besides getting things finished around here) is to take care of a few bills and talk to the loan broker to see about getting pre-approved.  It's starting to become a lot more real all of a sudden.

* Ian's birthday party was this afternoon at LaserQuest.  The boys have all stated that this is where they want all future birthday parties held.  While I don't think that's going to happen, I do foresee having a few parties there in the next year.  It was a total blast and I managed to not completely embarrass myself coming in 5th place the first round and 7th the second (out of 12).  I figure so long as I was beating the 5yr olds, I was ok.  LOL

* Tomorrow Nicholas has a dentist appointment in the morning, I need to get the house cleaned, and I'm meeting with the painter.

* Saturday we are dropping Nick off with Mark's parents and big boys at KSW then heading to the memorial for my friend Paul.  Afterward, we are hooking up with my brother for some adult conversation and then he's heading home with us.  My poor inlaws will get to deal with the crazy Saturday morning run-around of KSW and soccer. I think it will be good for them.

* Sunday is Christopher's birthday and we are having his party here.  Why?  Mostly because he couldn't come up with a better plan.  Having a ton of people over when things are still so chaotic here so I have to get things cleaned up when I really only have one day to do so is NOT my idea of fun.

* Monday starts our usual weekly chaos.  Ugh!

So yeah, tons going on.  In between all that, I'll be trying to breathe a bit and not fall too behind all the other stuff.  Wish me luck!

Really Need More Hours

I know this is a frequent refrain, not just from me but from most people but seriously, I need more.  Or a clone.  Maybe just a few more pairs of hands and a lot more brain cells.

We are still trying to get through this remodel because other crap (called life) keeps coming up.  I keep watching my regular todo list multiply and even when I can cross something off, it usually ends up being one of those things were it's only crossed off for a day or two before I need to do it again like laundry.

My current week schedule sees me going pretty much all day Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.  Seriously.  I'm home less than I'm away and we are pretty much only home enough to eat and maybe do a little school before heading out again.  It makes keeping up on anything during those days pretty much impossible.  I figure if the laundry keeps cycling through so I can fold it sometime after Wednesday and the dishes get done daily and there is a homecooked meal, I'm doing good.  Generally Thursday is a stay at home day and Friday we are home until afternoon.  This gives me time at home to get some stuff done.  Saturday mornings are filled with more activities but then once we get home, unless something else has come along to fill our weekend, I'm home until Monday morning when everything starts all over again.  It's not perfect but generally I can manage to keep up most of the weekly stuff I've been keeping up on during those couple of days.

The problems arise in either a) trying to get ahead on projects that I've now fallen behind in (like the bills), b) trying to tackle new projects that have just popped up and require attention (like this blasted remodel), or c) people start falling ill which is what happened last week.  Could people get sick on the busy days so we could just laze at home on those days?  Of course not.  Everyone started getting ill on Wednesday night.  Mark and Matthew were the hardest hit.  Christopher didn't get it (although he seems to be fighting coming down with it now) but had a pulled muscle in his ribcage.  Jon was ok on Thursday but was throwing up intermittently on Friday.  I spent several days feeling like I was trying to come down with something so I was taking massive loads of my wellness blend while taking care of the sick people and running the healthy around where they needed to go plus take care of all the errands.  And did you notice who wasn't mentioned in all this?  Yep, Nick has been feeling just fine thank you very much.

But since all this was happening during what is normally our "down time" at home for me to get stuff done, very little got down and I'm already falling behind in the few things that I was on top of again. *sigh*  I already don't get enough sleep and am trying to get more and exercise more and all that health jazz but really, to do it all 24hrs a day just isn't enough.  No scheduling is going to perform the miracle I need.

Taking time to remember

I've been taking a lot of time to remember lately.  Not just today and the tragic events of 10yrs ago, but the others who have passed out of my life.  Not in a sad way, but simply taking time to remember them because if we remember, they are not gone.  So long as they live in our hearts and minds, they are still here with us.  Maybe not in the way we would like, the physical, but their legacy is preserved by taking what they've taught us and incorporating that into our lives and then, when we do it, remembering why those things are part of our lives now when they weren't always.

Yesterday, I went to the city to get some chocolate and walked with my two youngest.  I made it a point to go by Union Square and also by St. Patrick's church.  I remembered my grandmother who died when I was 15.  Not in a sad way, but just simply being in the places I would go with her and letting her presence wash over me.

Today, we are enjoying the freedoms that we have as Americans and remembering all those who have given their lives so that we can keep those freedoms.  Instead of living in fear, I choose to live with joy.  I feel that is the best legacy we can take away from those times.  That we will not be beaten down but will rise stronger from the ashes, more committed to reaching out our hands in friendship and understanding, to promote peace between all peoples.

Be kind to yourself and be kind to each other.  Smile at a stranger for you were once a stranger to someone else.  Respect the difference of opinion and learn what you can from it.

Really don't like my doctor

I don't think I've complained about her in a while so it's definitely time.  I FINALLY got a letter about my u/s.  She tells me that I've got tons of stones but that since there was no sign of inflammation, she doubts it was the cause of my pain.  Hmmm...with lots of stones would it be possible that I passed a couple?  Sure seems to fit the facts there.  She goes on to tell me that I have fatty deposits in my liver and I need to eat a healthy low-fat diet (never ONCE having asked me what my normal diet is, just assuming since I'm overweight that I eat a high-fat crap laden diet....NOT!).  Again, no talking to me at all.  Again, no talk of getting me into a nutritionist since what I may consider low-fat and what I really need to be eating may be different.  Again, no talk about the freaking prescription that the last doctor put me on!

Yes, I'm still trying to get rid of her.  Need to bug Mark again about seeing if his doctor is available or can recommend someone.  If not, I'm going to see about making my OB my primary.  Only reason I haven't done this sooner is that she tends to be really booked so getting appointments with her may be harder but this one is a total joke.

Some Baby Steps

There really is so much going on in my life right now between taking care of kids and all their activities and various needs plus schooling and then you add in running the household and now the remodel as well.  There are a lot of days that I want to run screaming for the hills because it is all just so overwhelming.  I can't do that since every time I've tried the kids just run after me and those buggers are fast.  They cry and hug me and beg me to come back and I get suckered in for another round.  (J/K....mostly)

I've spent a lot of time just trying to get by and it's working...sort of.  Everyone has clean clothes even if they do have to get them out of the laundry basket.  There is food in the house and most of the time, the bills even get paid.  Kids are where they need to be mostly on time and school gets done.  But it's stressful.  The messier the house the gets, the more things aren't getting done, the more I shut down and have a hard time focusing on all the things that need to get done because there are just so freaking many.  It's a problem I'm aware of and I keep working on but it's a hard one to power through some days.  I know many people have it and I'm careful to make sure that things don't get so overwhelming that we can't maintain the basics but some days, even doing that much is sooo hard.

I recently took over cleaning the kitchen again.  Giving it to Chris hasn't worked out in terms of telling him (and showing him a bazillion times) and then leaving to go do other things.  So I've given up on that for now.  I've taken it back and just having the kitchen clean has made a huge difference for how I feel and my motivation to get things done.  All to the good.

I've also been doing a lot to get organized in other ways.  I got some spreadsheets done for organizing the grades for the boys so I can actually know exactly how they are doing rather than the rough "well, it's at least an 80% since I don't accept anything lower" I've been going by.  I've also made up spreadsheets for all their lessons so I can see what our make-up situation is like.  Much better than having to ask and wait for people to get back to me or just not get the make-ups because no one remembers about it.

I'm also back on the healthy lifestyle wagon.  Menu planning is really essential with our crazy schedule these days and I'm sick of the lack of energy and general blah feeling from not working out.  I've joined the BLC17 on SparkPeople and another one that starts soon by some friends on Facebook.  I've done both of these a number of times but illness or injury has ended up sidelining me and I've just drifted away.  My goal this time is to simply stick with it.  Working exercise back in is going to be hard but I know that it's worth it.  I may not feel that way right now since I had my first date back with Tony and I'm totally sore and totally tired but I know that in a couple of weeks, I will.

So that's where things are at right now.  Hoping I can keep it up as things are only going to get more nuts as the school year continues.

Introducing the Other Half

Dearest Children ~
I know that since you were just a newborn you have looked upon me as your mother to take care of your needs.  Yes, the big weird male type thing would occasionally change your diapers or make funny faces at you but I was the big milk machine who fed you and held you constantly.  I'm all for attachment parenting and I do believe that having a strong bond between parents and children is a good and generally healthy thing.

But that being said, I would like to formally introduce you to the other half of the parenting duo---Your Father. This may come as a shock to you since he is gone much of the time at some mysterious place called "work" doing who knows what although it frequently involves flying stuffed animals and his ability to bring home large quantities of Jolly Ranchers but he is actually more than just someone I talk to on the phone or the lump on the couch hogging the PS3 to play Gran Turisimo instead of letting you play Plants vs. Zombies.

He is, in fact, a person who does actually occasionally possess some intelligence when it comes to problem solving.  Yes, half the time his solutions are liable to cause explosions or further injury but there is the other half of the time when he can actually answer basic questions like "Is this trash?", "Where does this go?", "My nose is stuffy. What medicine can I take?", and even "How do I convert ounces into kilograms?".  I wish to point this out to you because it seems to have escaped your notice that I am not the only person in the universe who can answer these dire, emergency questions.  You do not need to wait 3hrs for me to get home to get these answers nor do you need to come up and wait for me to finish cooking dinner while doing dishes, keeping the laundry going, cleaning the floor, and cleaning out the fridge all at the same time while your father is sitting on the couch playing video games or sitting at his computer looking at LOL Catz and stupid Reddit postings.

So please, for the love of what little sanity I have left, go ask your father these all consuming questions when I am otherwise engaged.  He may not know the answer but if that's the case, then come talk to me.  But if  you could at least try, it would go a long way in keeping me from biting your head off when you try to ask me these inane questions when I'm already doing 17 other things all at once.

Love
Your Mother

Pics from our new Tuesday routine

 Just a few pictures from our crazy Tuesday line up that got in full swing today....

Nick practicing backstroke

 Jon doing the same

Getting instruction from his favorite teacher

His very first piece in clay class.  Today was his first lesson and they were working on learning the tools and how to texture by making a wall hanging fish.  He had tons of fun making it (despite the face he is making here LOL)

And after all that, it was time for soccer!  Yes, it's a super crazy, busy day but at least the kids go to sleep easily at the end of the day.

So much going on

Haven't written in a couple of days because I've been falling into bed exhausted at night.  Something about 5.5hrs of sleep each night and then running around all day seems to do that to me.  No clue why tho. LOL

First, Nicholas tested last weekend and is now a yellow belt at KSW.  Yes, for those who remember, he had a yellow belt before but that was with following mommy for everything.  When he went into the Little Ninjas program, he went down to just above a starter white belt and spent months gaining the self-discipline to do class on his own and learn the material for himself instead of having to always follow along.  He has truly earned this yellow belt and we are super proud of him.  (I'll be posting pics and videos later after I get them off my phone).

Second, this was our last "quiet" week and things are now starting to gear up around here.  Clay class starts back up on Tuesday and I just got the call from Nick's soccer coach and he'll be practicing Tuesday night.  So the Tuesday schedule will be swim @ 9a for J&N, clay @ 11a for N, clay @ 1p for M&J, soccer @ 6p for N.  Jon wants to start cooking again and planning dinners and I want to do that with him but Tuesday was looking like our best night until this came up.  Now I'm starting to think we may need to do a weekend evening instead because I'm not sure I can do all that plus some sort of school AND a big fancy dinner with Jon.

Third, I've got a well-used but still incredibly frustrating almost 17yr old for sale.  Heck, I'm at the point some days where I'll be happy to pay someone to take him for a bit if they can knock some sense into him.  I've had to take back the chore of cleaning the kitchen because even with a brand-new kitchen, he will not put forth the effort to keep it clean.  The dishes come out of the dishwasher still dirty.  The fronts of the new cabinets are covered in crap.  The beautiful counters are buried under stuff he won't deal with and what little he does clean, he refuses to wipe down with a dry cloth afterward so it has a dull film instead of a beautiful shine.  The sink is always filthy because he refuses to even hose it down after he "does" the dishes.  It's been driving me insane and I finally couldn't take it any more.  Yes, I know he needs to learn to do these things but right now, I need it to be kept clean both so I can use it for cooking and also so it doesn't get destroyed before we even start showing the house.  We are currently trying to figure out what new chores he can do to take the place.  Ones in which a good attention to detail is not necessary.  What is the most frustrating thing tho is that he gets calls from several of our friends to have him come over and do work around their place.  I've been told he does need a bit of supervision and he can get distracted but it doesn't seem to be near as bad as it is here and since they keep bringing him back, he can't be that awful.  I just really worry about his needing so much supervision as it's been apparent so far in college that he isn't making sure he gets what he needs from his teachers and in a job situation, they want independent workers and his needing constant supervision will not help him to keep it.

Lastly, the memorial for Ken was yesterday.  It was a wonderful service with the right touch of dry wit to keep everyone from doing nothing but bawling the whole time.  Linda did a wonderful job on the slideshow after and kept it together beautifully during her speech.  Ian had asked Matthew to read for him but neither of them was sure they could make it through without crying.  In the end, Ian did go up and speak but Matthew was there next to him for support and ready to take over should he need it.  I'm very proud of Ian for getting up there and making it through and I'm also proud of Matthew for being such a true friend during this time.  He has really shown a maturity beyond his years lately and I find myself incredibly overjoyed at what I see.  I can only hope his teen years won't force me to sell him to gypsies.

So that's the news around here.  I hope to have Nick's KSW pics and videos up tomorrow.  Tuesday will be tons more pictures between all the activities starting up especially since it's Nick's first time doing clay.

Tofu Soup

It was grocery shopping day today.  We were out of enough stuff to make a trip to New Leaf worthwhile rather than doing a straight Safeway run so we stopped there first.  They always have yummy organic stuff but I always leave there cringing at how much I just spent for a handful of items which is why I rarely go in.  Unfortunately, they are the only place to get the vitamins for the kids so it has to be done occasionally.

Today while we were browsing a bit, we found their oriental section and they had tons of different miso soup bases and tofu packages.  Miso soup with tofu is one of Nick's most favorite thing in the entire world so when he asked, I said sure.  It was something besides corn dogs so I was all for it.  The thing is, he doesn't call it miso soup.  It's Tofu Soup!  Why?! Because that's the part that he just cant' get enough of.

So let's hear it for Tofu Soup!  The favorite meal of my 5yr old.

Wishing I could turn back time

It's been a horrid couple of days.  After Ken's passing, I spent the rest of Thursday with Linda and Ian helping as I could.  Friday, we had Ian over while I went with Linda to the funeral home to make the final arrangements.  I have to say I've been learning a lot about this whole process which until now I've never been part of but I'd rather not be learning it this way.

Saturday started off super busy as always.  Jon wanted his friend to do the community breakfast with him so Mark ended up with the two of them plus Nick for set-up there.  I got the big boys out of the house just barely in time to get to KSW to meet Mark and the other boys there for Nicholas to test for his yellow belt.  Everything worked out tho and Mark took the other 4 boys back to the breakfast while I stayed and watched Nick (video to come soon!).

Afterward, I took all 5 boys to drop off the extra one while Mark went to the Red Barn produce give-away.  I left Jon at his friend's house and then hit the Farmer's Market since we have severely depleted our fresh produce supplies.  Mark met me there, grabbed Nick and came home.  I picked up Jon and dropped all 3 boys off at KSW for Pan Moin try-outs and then ran some more errands.

Upon getting home, my head was still too fogged to concentrate on much of anything so I found some mindless database work to do (making spreadsheets for tracking grades, class/therapy make-ups, and OG funds).  Also got all the papers graded so that was done.

That was when I checked on FB and started seeing disturbing messages on a friend's status.  After asking someone privately I found out that her husband had taken his life that morning.  I went into shock and couldn't stop crying.  I've known Paul for over 20yrs and he was just the sweetest guy you can imagine.  My heart is breaking for Stephanie and their two boys and I still can't wrap my head around it.  I know depression is an illness but it still is hard for me to match that up with what he had shown me.

Sunday we took our first family bike ride on the coastal trail into town as a tribute to Paul.  He was so into biking and was the person I always went to for advice on it.  We took the boys to go check out the new self-serve frozen yogurt place that just opened and then grabbed lunch from Safeway before coming home.  It was 12.5mi round trip so a good ride.  Jon did it entirely by himself and did a great job.  Nicholas was on the tag-a-long and spent as much time with his feet up, goofing around as he did pedaling.

Today I've been trying to put things back in order for us.  Our normal hasn't changed but the space in my head has and it's something I'm trying to deal with.  This past year I've seen far too many people I know and care about die.  4 so far plus another friend's fiance (although I hadn't met him).  It's definitely making me scared when I hear about medical problems with other people I care about.

Good-bye Ken

I got the call this afternoon around 1p from Ian that his father had just passed.  I spent the rest of the day with Linda and Ian.  He went peacefully surrounded by love which is all we can ask when it's our time to go.  He will always be remembered for being a wonderful, loving, and devoted husband and father.  My favorite memories are sitting at their kitchen table after teaching a biology lesson and just chatting with him about whatever topic took our fancy that day but most of all, the way his eyes would light up when he talked about Ian.  It was impossible not to see the pride and joy he took in his son and everything he did.

Good-bye Ken.  You will be missed.

Slowing down for a breath

Some days, you just have to stop and make cookies.  We spent all day yesterday running from one thing to the next including therapy for Jon, guitar for Matt, Little Ninjas for Nick, dental cleanings for Matt & Jon, KSW for Jon, grocery shopping, and a bit of running around for a friend.                 

Today wasn't really much better.  Jon & Nick had swimming this morning.  I ended up canceling Matt's orthodontist appointment as it looks like we'll be waiting to do anything so might as well see if things shift a bit like they did with Chris and braces won't be necessary.  I had another piece of good news in that a spot opened up in Nick's swim class and I was able to shift Jon into it.  They are at different levels but the only other child in there (Nick's best friend) is right between them and it's with the same teacher who is just amazing (and just happens to be the mom of Jon's best friend LOL) so it all works.  This makes things once clay class start up so much easier on me.

After swim, we played with friends for a bit and then ran errands.  Gas, library, hardware store, bank, water, and grocery store (yes again, please see the header about 4 boys).  Got home and was hoping to work on painting the doors since we had absolutely beautiful weather here but Jon reminded me that I had promised to make cookies with him.  That prompted Matthew to remind me that I keep promising to give them cake decorating lessons.  So we made Star Wars cookies and used the frosting I had leftover from the last birthday to decorate them.  I gave the kids a basic lesson on how to hold the bag, how to apply pressure, and gave them basic tips for doing lines.  You can see how well they listened...

But they had a great time and the fun was much needed so well worth it.  

Still moving forward

Mark did manage to finish all the handrailings for the front porch today.  This means that for the first time in about 13yrs we actually have handrails for the entire porch.  Don't get me started on that one.

I went on a 11.8mi bike ride with Matt this morning but on the way home found that my bike was making a weird noise in certain gears.  Mark took a look at it and found that the entire gear assembly hadn't been put together correctly so he took that back and got it exchanged for me.  Turns out that it is on sale this week so he was also able to get a refund of the price difference. Woohoo!

I made a lot of headway on the boxes that had everything dumped into them when we went to paint and recarpet our bedroom.  I had tried to get everything handled nicely beforehand and it hadn't happened and so now, 4mos later, I'm finally getting through them.  *sigh*  I'll be really happy once it's done.  It's vital to getting the bills dealt with since there were more bills in those boxes.  Ugh!

Also made sure to do more Prairie Primer and a spelling lesson with Jon.  Both of those were supposed to be 1yr courses where are now on year 3.  Also got another 6 chapters of history discussed with Matthew.  Only 2 more to go and we are done with last years history and I won't be doing discussion with his history this year so one less thing for me to do.  Yay!

Tomorrow is starting an insanely busy week.  In addition to our current activity schedule, Jon has an extra hour of therapy, both Jon & Matt have dental cleanings, Matt has a consult for braces, and Nicholas needs to go to Little Ninjas all 4 days this week so he can try to be ready to test on Saturday for his yellow belt.  Oh yeah, and sometime this week I need to get to Costco and Sears.  Ackackack!

I know things will get done and we will get through all of this.  I keep breathing and putting one foot in front of the other to get through it all.  And sneak off occasionally to stick my nose in a book for a few minutes.

Moving forward

Crazy day today but we are moving forward on a lot of things.  I'm just going to list things here:

• We've been expecting some money from a side job Mark did and it hasn't gotten paid yet so we called up some funds from our savings to get us over this hump and pay for the exterior paint job.  
• We made it through KSW testing this morning.  Different instructor leading it which ended up meaning we did a lot more than we normally do.  All to the good and I would normally welcome the challenge but the new studio has this flooring that just wrecks my feet so 3hrs on that left me hobbling.  It also showed me just how out of shape with KSW I am.  Time to get my butt back to class on a regular basis.
• I got a lot of school discussion done with Matt & Jon which was good.  I'm all caught up on getting papers from this school year graded (we won't mention last year, 'k?) and lesson plans are done for next week.
• I got my desk just about cleaned off so hopefully I can start working on getting the bills and tax stuff.  I haven't balanced the checkbook this year so I have a lot of catching up to do but my goal is to do as much as possible tomorrow and find a way to get it all done this week so that by next weekend I can get budgets set-up and have the finances under control and start working on the taxes.
• Mark got the posts set for the front porch handrailing.  He's hoping to have that all done tomorrow.
• My MIL has agreed to take Nicholas to his Little Ninjas class on Wedn & Thurs this coming week so I will have actual swathes of time to get things done around the house rather than the little chunks here and there which do not lend themselves well to keeping up on everything.

So that's where we are today.  Pushing forward and I know things will get better.  I'm hoping that maybe this gets me a bit more cooperation for getting other things done so I have time to work on these things more...at least for a while.  I am under no illusions that it will last tho. *sigh*

Something has got to give

Not a pleasant day to say the least.  I woke up in a good enough mood but I'm not sure if the rest of the day was me ending up on edge and staying there or everyone else conspiring to drive me out of my freaking mind.  I'm pretty sure it was the latter tho.

So it starts with boys getting up late.  Ok, fine. We'll deal.  Then I try to do a quick discussion with Matthew, looking at his lesson plans for the week and what's gotten done so far and what is still to be done and can he fit it in or what.  Should take about 10min.  Except I kept getting interrupted about everything and anything under the sun.  It took 30+min to get this one thing done.

And that's pretty much how my life is right now.  I keep plodding along trying hard to get things organized but someone always comes behind me and undoes whatever I've done.  I keep trying but with the remodel thrown in, I've fallen way behind and today we got hit with the news that we are massively overdrawn because we got hit with more remodel expenses plus kids needing clothes and Chris needing schoolbooks and all of them needing shoes all at once.  I thought we were okay but with all the house stuff constantly draining money out of the account, I can't keep a baseline tally going in my head any more.

After finding this out, our new faucet head in the kitchen made a bid for freedom coming completely off and spraying water everywhere.

I have KSW testing tomorrow morning and I've forgotten a ton of material but have had no time to practice.

Nicholas is in one of his moods where he refused to listen to anyone for any reason at all period.  It's getting extremely old.

I filed an extension on my taxes but I'm pretty sure that's run out now and they still aren't filed. In fact all those papers are in one of the 5 boxes in my bedroom that I need to deal with.

Next week is shaping up to be even crazier than this week with not only our current normal stuff which includes 3 days of therapy per week instead of 2 but Nicholas needs to go to KSW M-Th so he can test for his yellow belt on Saturday so we can stop having to go in the afternoon and breaking up our day, Matt & Jon have dental cleanings scheduled for Monday afternoon and Matt has an ortho consult on Tuesday after Nick and Jon have swim.  Plus we have our first ES meeting on Friday morning.

Yeah, freaking shoot me.  There really aren't enough hours in the day to do it all and I can't find much to cut.  I'm trying to consolidate a bit more but that's about the best I can do. I'm starting to wonder just how little sleep I can live with because that is seriously eating up the biggest chunk of my days.  Heck, I've already almost completely cut out recreational reading (which is seriously making me cranky).  There's not a lot of fat left to trim.

Cancer sucks!

I know everyone knows this but sometimes, it just needs to be said.  This has not been a good week for us in hearing cancer news.  Mark's grandfather has bladder cancer.  They believed they had caught it early and treatment would be removal and that's it.  No chemo, no radiation.  That was until they got in there.  Apparently this is an ultra-aggressive cancer that had already spread to the muscle tissue.  He has some heart problems so needs surgery for that but they now have to look at treating the cancer aggressively as well but in which order.  They are both priorities but leaving one to treat the other will hinder his recovery and prognosis from the one they deal with.  It's a total catch-22.  They were supposed to get all the specialists together for a consult to try and figure out a plan of action but so far, there hasn't been any word on what that will be.

Then today I heard from one of my best friends that her husband's doctor has ordered hospice.  He was diagnosed with kidney cancer a few years ago.  Kidney cancer is one of those that cannot be treated with chemo or radiation.  Prognosis even 5yrs ago was death within 18mos.  At the time of his diagnosis, some new drugs to halt the growth had come out and they were hoping for 10yrs, hoping to buy enough time for new treatments to come out.  The first drug was good.  Mild side-effects and he continued with his life.  There was hope.  Then that one stopped working.  They saw spots on his liver.  They switched drugs.  And then it fell apart.  He's had horrible side-effects from this one including constant anemia, unexplained fevers, bloating, mouth sores, etc.  About 2wks ago, he was actually starting to feel better and started living again.  Hope was renewed.  Then he took a rapid turn for the worse.  The doctors have decided to halt treatments as at this point, the drugs for the cancer appear to be killing him anyway while making him absolutely miserable.  So they have called for hospice to make him comfortable.  We have no idea how long things will be like this but are hoping that with the drugs being out of his system, he can at least enjoy the time he has left.  I've spent the day crying my eyes out over this as these are absolutely some of the sweetest people ever.

So yeah, cancer sucks....big time!  And the unfairness of life sucks too.

And now a word from my doctor

But it's not much of one.  She had her assistant call and tell me that they were phoning in a prescription for Vitamin D for me and that she wants to rerun the labs in 3mos.  That's it.  All I know.  No word on the u/s.  No calling personally so I could ask questions.  No having me come in to discuss things.  No offer of sending me to a dietitian to work on that.  Just a prescription for tons of VitD and follow-up in a couple of months.

I understand they are busy and have lots of patients but really?  I shouldn't be surprised tho.  This is the same doctor that my first (and so far only) office visit with her, she kept me waiting for 45min and my appointment was super early in the morning.  No apology.  Just came in and spent 5min with me telling me that I was sick all the time because I had lost so much weight but that all my feet problems were because I was overweight so I needed to lose weight (let's ignore the fact that the feet didn't start bothering me until I lost 30lbs shall we?).  So if I lose weight my feet will feel better but I'll be sick all the time and oh yeah, I can't exercise because my feet hurt!

Yeah, I'm working on finding a new doctor. This is bullshit.

Some lab results

Got in what I think are all my lab results in today.  Really wish the news was better.  My HDL is just above where they want to see it, my LDL is just over the top end, triglicerides and glucose are borderline, and apparently I'm VitD deficient.

Just lovely.

Haven't heard from my doctor about all that yet and still have no idea the state of my gallbladder.  For myself, this has been a wake-up call.  My dad had a heartattack when he was around 60yr and he wasn't overweight, he ate fairly healthy, but had to have a quintuple bypass.  My younger brother just had surgery to bypass a major artery in his leg.  Um... yeah.  I need to get active again, lose some weight, and actually go in for regular check-ups to get this stuff monitored.

I know part of it has been our diet has sucked during this entire remodel process and that can't have helped at all, especially the oreodiction that the kids got me on.  (pleased to say I haven't had one today)  Funny, I just got a bike on Saturday and went for a ride on Sunday and again this morning before I even heard this.  Tonight, I started getting Sparkpeople and my GoWearFit all set-up again.  It's definitely time to start using both of those again.

More doctor stuff

Gee, I'm pretty sure this is how we started last school year too.  *sigh*  Not sure if I should be thankful that it's me this time or not but it is what it is.  Anyway, did my fasting and had an u/s done of my gallbladder and apparently my ribs.  Lots and lots of jabbing that monitor on top of, between, and up under them.  Ouch!  I really prefer the other u/s I've had, you know the ones where you get to see the monitor and watch your baby on them.  Yeah, those ones.  Much more fun.  Not that I want another one.  Totally NOT saying that.  Just saying that those were enjoyable whereas this one was anything but.

Afterward, I figured I hadn't been abused enough so I went over to the vampires Lab for some fasting bloodwork my doctor had ordered about a year ago.  Turns out the order had expired (really? those things expire?!  How in the world do they go bad???) so I had to go up to her office since they weren't answering the phone and get them to redo the order.  I head up (because apparently I really am a glutton for punishment) and get told by the office staff that no, I need to go over to the screening clerk.  I head over there and wait, and wait, and wait and finally get seen.  She takes about 2min to send a message to my doctor (which the office staff in her department are apparently incapable of doing) and sent me back to her waiting room with a paper saying "patient waiting".  NOW the office staff will actually look at that and do what I asked them to do in the first place.  Because yeah, having me go wait for 15min for someone to type up that order instead of doing it themselves is MUCH more efficient.  Ugh!

But wait, the fun doesn't stop there.  Oh no.  I get back to the Lab and the nice guy checking me in bumps me up on the list since I've been fasting forever at this point (ok, not forever, just 13+hrs) but what this means is I get the guy who is obviously still in training.  I know I'm not the easiest person to draw blood from and apparently I keep getting told I have small veins but this is the first time they couldn't find a vein in either elbow even after doing the whole "slide in, whoops missed it, withdraw a bit, slide over, whoops missed it" thing repeatedly.  The brilliant part?!  After doing this in one elbow and eventually giving up and then deciding that my other elbow is not any good either....he wants to try and one in my hand!!!  Um....they have NEVER been able to get blood draws or IVs into my hands.  EVER!  I stopped him when I realized what he was thinking about and told him to just get it from the inner arm.  He tried telling me it will hurt more.  Really?!  You think that will hurt more than your constantly missing the vein?  Or trying in a place I know you can't possibly draw from but seem idiotic enough to try?  I told him it was fine and to just do it.  Thankfully he got it in one that time and I was finally able to get out of there and get some food.

Now it's a waiting game.  The u/s tech told me I should get a report from doctor in about 3 days.  Not sure when I'll get the results of my bloodwork back.  Last time I got it really early but there was nothing so far today.  I'm not even 100% sure what they were testing this time.  Cholesterol and diabetes screenings I think. I'm not overly concerned which is why I hadn't gone in earlier but now I'm curious.  I'm more curious about the u/s results tho.  I haven't had another episode like I had 1-1/2wks ago but before 2wks ago, I'd never had one so who knows.  I'd rather avoid surgery but at the same time, I'd like to know what the heck was causing it because I don't believe the reflux thing.

And now, just because it was also our first day of school I'm ending this post with a picture of the boys in their new shirts being forced to sit nicely for a few minutes for me to get a picture to immortalize the day:

BTS Shopping

Went across the bay to help some friends move today.  Things went so smoothly that by 6:30p our services were no longer needed so we started heading for home.  We decided along the way that with all the sales going on, we should grab the stuff the kids are in need of now while it's cheaper.  There was a Target and Payless not far from us at the time so we figured we'd get it done.

We were sort of right.

All 4 boys did get new shoes which was good.  The bigger two only needed one pair each as their favorite shoes slip-on type shoes had died.  I was thinking Nicholas was fine but when getting his foot measured, he has finally grown a size so he needed two pairs.  I knew Jon needed a pair as his crocs had died and his slip-ons were a bit tight but when measured, we found out his feet had grown two sizes!!!  And we aren't talking since last year, we are talking since beginning of summer when I had him measured for sandals!  He went from a 5 to a 7!  Yikes!  Needless to say, he got two pairs of shoes as well and I'll be throwing out all his other shoes.

Next we hit Target.  That wasn't so successful on a number of different levels.  I went in there to get 3 new pairs of pants for Matthew, some hoodies for him since he's outgrown all of his, and new jackets for him and Chris.  Simple, right?  Yeah, nothing is ever that simple.

First, I start shopping and remember that Chris is taking a body conditioning class this semester.  Ok, go grab a couple pairs of shorts and tanks for him to workout in.  Next, no luck on finding hoodies or jackets.  Apparently those will be in for men next week.  I could have gotten them for Jon & Nick but they are fine.  Ugh!

Matthew found a few t-shirts he wanted.  As he has several that are getting tight, I said ok.  Grabbed a few for the younger 2 off the clearance rack (because really, who doesn't need a t-shirt that says "A Wookie ate my homework" or has a picture of Darth Vader with someone doing bunny ears on him????  Yeah, I'm ticked they dont' come in my size too).  Was feeling pretty good about getting out of there without spending a ton when I stopped and looked at the bikes.

Let me step back a moment here.  I've been wanting to get back to biking for a while but we keep trying to find free or cheap bikes and they are all mens' with horrid seats and handlebars that are too low and all sorts of other icky things about them.  I've been seriously contemplating buying a new bike for myself but keep talking myself out of it.  Then last week Mark was having serious problems with his knee.  Doctor diagnosed arthritis and tendonitis in the knee and told him to lay off running for a while, probably several months.  I've never seen him more disappointed.  He enjoys biking, although not as much as running, but his favorite mountain bike had a spring pop off it and is currently unrideable.  Also, since it's really designed for heading up into the mountains on things that are barely trails, it's not really the right thing for biking through SF during his lunch break.

So I'm looking at these bikes and realize, now is the time.  He needs one and so do I if I'm really going to start getting moving again and dealing with my knee and feet problems.  It took forever but I convinced him (that part didn't take too long) and he picked out the bike that would be the best for city and family riding.  I found one that has a comfortable seat and handlebars where I like them and I can change gears too.  We picked out new helmets, got the other accessories we needed and left Target almost $1000 poorer.

But you know, I think it was worth it.  I'm excited to ride my new bike although I probably won't get a chance until Monday afternoon at the earliest.  I really want to get back into getting some form of daily exercise in again.  I felt so much better and had so much energy when I was.