Introducing the Other Half

Dearest Children ~
I know that since you were just a newborn you have looked upon me as your mother to take care of your needs.  Yes, the big weird male type thing would occasionally change your diapers or make funny faces at you but I was the big milk machine who fed you and held you constantly.  I'm all for attachment parenting and I do believe that having a strong bond between parents and children is a good and generally healthy thing.

But that being said, I would like to formally introduce you to the other half of the parenting duo---Your Father. This may come as a shock to you since he is gone much of the time at some mysterious place called "work" doing who knows what although it frequently involves flying stuffed animals and his ability to bring home large quantities of Jolly Ranchers but he is actually more than just someone I talk to on the phone or the lump on the couch hogging the PS3 to play Gran Turisimo instead of letting you play Plants vs. Zombies.

He is, in fact, a person who does actually occasionally possess some intelligence when it comes to problem solving.  Yes, half the time his solutions are liable to cause explosions or further injury but there is the other half of the time when he can actually answer basic questions like "Is this trash?", "Where does this go?", "My nose is stuffy. What medicine can I take?", and even "How do I convert ounces into kilograms?".  I wish to point this out to you because it seems to have escaped your notice that I am not the only person in the universe who can answer these dire, emergency questions.  You do not need to wait 3hrs for me to get home to get these answers nor do you need to come up and wait for me to finish cooking dinner while doing dishes, keeping the laundry going, cleaning the floor, and cleaning out the fridge all at the same time while your father is sitting on the couch playing video games or sitting at his computer looking at LOL Catz and stupid Reddit postings.

So please, for the love of what little sanity I have left, go ask your father these all consuming questions when I am otherwise engaged.  He may not know the answer but if that's the case, then come talk to me.  But if  you could at least try, it would go a long way in keeping me from biting your head off when you try to ask me these inane questions when I'm already doing 17 other things all at once.

Love
Your Mother