Well, we tried. We tried being kind, we tried being tough, we tried being honest, but it just wasn't enough. He didn't want to change. All he wanted was the one thing we couldn't really offer which was for him to go home and be able to live his life like he had before. He would try here and there and there seemed to be little bit of respect for us but without a desire to change, there was nothing we could do to make it work. He was bullying Matthew and Jonathan to the point where they didn't want to sleep in the same room with him. He encouraged Nico's beating on Jonathan which got horribly out of control. The name calling and "I hate you" and "You're not my friend" was constant which is something we've worked on for years to get out of the house because it's hurtful and disrespectful and has no place in a family. He was introducing the kids to bands that have no business in this house. Some days he would do his schoolwork but more often he wouldn't. And then we could always count on him getting his dad riled up so Mark would have to spend hours getting him calmed down again. Cause you know, you should always believe the kid whose lied to you tons before you believe the people who are trying to clean up your mess. Right?! I think we might have been able to try through the summer with Jason but with him playing his dad too (and he was stepping up that game), it just wasn't worth it. Mark was always angry and it was coming out in bad ways, both of us were having problems sleeping, the kids never knew if they were going to have the nice Jason that they liked around or the mean one that kicked them out of their room and called them mean names and tried to get them to cry.
So it's over. We tried hard but just couldn't get past the fact that he viewed this as a prison where he didn't want to be (gee, think maybe his dad always saying that we were the wardens and he was the governor had anything to do with that?) and the basic fact that he wants to be a thug and a bully, drinking, doing drugs, beating people up, and generally doing whatever he wants while mooching off others. I wish him well but honestly, don't want to see him again until he has truly proven he's gotten his act together.
2 comments:
Sorry to hear this, Jena. You know what you have tried to sow into his life may one day bear fruit. Unfortunately, you may not get to experience that! But know that God sees what you've done. Hope you and your family can enjoy some peace now.
I'm sorry it didn't work out, Jena. I know you tried, but there is only so much you can do, and when the person doesn't want to do things differently, it just isn't going to work. You are wise to put the safety of your young ones first. Someday, maybe, he might mature enough to realize the opportunity you were offering him. You did your best.
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